Sunday, March 27, 2016

No Standing Anytime

It has taken at least two years, but the NYC Department of Transportation has finally discovered my secret special bonus parking area. If you click here, you will read the fantastic tale of 50 feet of unadulterated parking bliss. Once upon a time, there was a stretch of curb in Sunset Park untouched by parking regulations. Alack, that age has expired, and now I live in an era of abject misery announced by the words "NO STANDING ANYTIME" emblazoned upon a red, rectangular sign.

When I first encountered this unfettered block two years ago, I couldn't believe my eyes. "Can it be?" I wondered. I can just park here for days? Months? YEARS? My parking here will not encumber street sweeping, nor will it incur a meter fee, nor will it anger the City of New York in any other way? It was the holy grail sought after by every motorist in the five boroughs, and now it is gone.

Two months ago I was laid off from my job. Since then, parking hasn't been a huge concern; I've parked wherever I could find a spot, and then moved the car the following morning if necessary. Tomorrow, I start a new job that, for the first time since 2009, and the first time since I've moved to the neighborhood, requires a subway commute. I drove home from Manhattan-based festivities this evening at the relatively early hour of 7:30pm, figuring I'd park my car in my faithful secret special bonus parking area, where I could leave it for the entire week. I arrived at the block, which I will now not hesitate to tell you is 4th Avenue between 38th and 39th Streets in Brooklyn, to discover the aforementioned red rectangle telling me the news I've been dreading for years: NO STANDING ANYTIME.

My consolation prize is the recent discovery of a stretch of curb that, to the untrained eye, appears to be a vehicle ramp, but upon closer inspection is actually legal parking. The business has two legal entrance and exit ramps, and between them is a space long enough to accommodate two parked cars. The business has poured asphalt along this curb effectively connecting their two ramps and enabling entrance and exit anywhere along their property, but the signs clearly state that parking is legal between the two ramps any time except the 1.5 hours a week when there is street sweeping. I've been parking there for a few weeks, and so far experienced no repercussions from either the business or the authorities. Aside from street sweeping, the only scourge is the tendency of cars to park in the dead center of the curb, taking up a space large enough for two cars with their one fat ass. It is not as perfect as the secret special bonus parking area, but that was a gift from heaven and as we all know, the parking god giveth and taketh away.

Happy Easter.