Monday, January 2, 2017

Ways in which first dates are like job interviews

  • You try six or nine different outfits before choosing something you don't realize has a stain on it
  • You don't want to go, at all
  • You spend the the preceding minutes pondering your greatest weakness
  • You are overdressed
  • You have to explain any gaps in your résumé
  • If you happen to be both single and unemployed, you treat any date or job interview as if it could be either
  • A bird lands on a tree branch just outside the window and you consider a simpler existence
  • You spill coffee on yourself
  • You have sex at the end
  • You send a thank you message the day after, expressing a hope that you'll see each other again
  • You never hear from them again, and you console yourself with stories of how they weren't right for you anyway
  • Your mom says the right one will come along, and maybe you should have worn the shirt she got you. Your dad offers to call them for you.

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